i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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