yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
