i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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