i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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