oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
