Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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