Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
