If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
