my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
