Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
