omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
