I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
