Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize