Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
