Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
