Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
