Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
