she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
