Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
