help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
