well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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