big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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