We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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