He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
