My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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