I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
