I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
