i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize