Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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