went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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