I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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