the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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