hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
