i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't notice because vodka
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
