I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I am morally bankrupt
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
