I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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