You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
