Betty ford says i'm here all night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's always time for handjobs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
