I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
