We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
