I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
