Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
