If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I look better un-naked...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize