"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
