U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
