So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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