Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
