normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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