he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
