Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
