All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
