If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
