My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
