he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
