Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
