hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
