You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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