I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
