I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
