The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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