$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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