I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
