the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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