i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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