a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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