You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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