420 ftw
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
