oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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