I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
