I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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