how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
