SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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