help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize