Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
