I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
